Ever catch yourself thinking horrible things? I do that, a lot. But instead of my mind shutting them off and moving to the next thing like I would imagine a normal persons mind does, the thought just continues until I'm satisfied that the thought is complete and can't go along any further.
These thoughts range from things like almost getting into accidents, to what would happen if I dropped a steak knife on my foot while doing dishes.
Example: I was driving one day, and a school bus full of kids pulls out in front of me. The bus was slow, and I was doing about 45. I slammed on my breaks and swerved around the end of the bus. But my mind didn't really care that I avoided the accident. It wanted to show me what would happen if the bus was just a little slower, or if my breaks didn't work quite so well. Since I was in my van, I would have hit the side of the bus like a wall, probably killing myself on impact. If I didn't, I'm sure that the bus would have been torn enough that a piece of metal would have made it through my windshield and taken care of me that way. Of course the kids on the bus wouldn't have had a much better ending, but I won't get into that. And that's just a basic outline of what my brain likes to do to me.
Another thing I catch myself thinking about is my funeral. I know my parents would come, my sister and Tom. Of course Matt would be there, his parents, probably Jenna. My mom's two friends would come, and probably their two kids. Anndddd... my uncle Jim and his wife Jill.
But that's about it. I know my friend would try to be there, she would want to be there. But I don't know if she would make it.
The rest of my family? Probably not. I've heard they all think I'm a lazy bum, not ever going to do anything with my life, and have completely disowned both me and Krystal over things we had nothing to do with. I've heard from more than one person that people IN my family don't like me. And I've never even done anything to any of them. It just sucks.
If anything were to happen to me though, I really don't think I'd want them there. They have their opinions of me, why should they change just because I'm gone? That's my opinion anyway. If you found out someone you hate was going to die, would you forget about why you hate them? I wouldn't, and if that's harsh than so be it. I feel the same should apply after death.
Well, I think I may be done blogging for today.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
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4 comments:
ive gone on thought tangents like that. like WHAT IF i slip in the shower whlie haylie is asleep and she wakes up and hears the water and finds me and is screaming because she cant wake me up and doesnt know how to call 911 etc. weird
Well, I can honestly say I understand most of that, truly. But you already know that. And, not to contibute to the morbid nature of it or anything, but I'd do everything in my power to be there at your funeral. Screw the people that think poorly of you, also. If they aren't important parts of your life, than they and their opinions are unimportant.
Try to find more of the positive. Lol, maybe you should write scripts for horror movies!!
Don't worry about the part of you family that has there heads up there ass. Its you're life to live how you see fit! And my mind is morbid too I do the same thing. Buttttt you're robin, after all you were in my phone as robin is freakin awesome :P
hahaha. i actually got into an argument with a girl in my senior class when a girl in town was killed and graduated the year before me. they closed the high school early so people could go to the funeral, i just went home. they called me names for it and my response was "she was a bitch in real life, why would i go to her funeral? we didn't like each other and everyone knew it."
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