Ponder Ponder Ponder

Ever have those days where you really don't feel good enough?

If so, welcome to every day of my life.

I wish I could know what it feels like to be "the best". At anything, really. The only time I get that feeling is when I win a round of Call of Duty, and see my name at the top of the list. It's right there in your face. THE BEST. NUMBER 1. And even though it's not real, it's still a great feeling.

If only life could be like that, instead of trying your best and realizing there is always someone who is better than you. I understand that's what life is about, but I don't understand why it has to be right in your face. Why you can't just get the appreciation you deserve.

But then again, maybe you don't deserve that appreciation. Maybe you just imagined the whole thing.

Sometimes I feel like I don't exist. Or that I'm just the back-up plan.